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Heavy Into Everything

Little supernovas in my head...

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Vesuvia
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Beauty In Sadness

Born on December 7th, 1981, Snow Flower had a childhood worthy of a Hollywood script. Somehow, miraculously, she survived to marry her saving grace in 2000 and became a mother to a gorgeous baby boy soon after. She currently lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia and is the branch manager of a financial service. She has had many amazing adventures, unexpected journeys and unbelievable experiences that she will cherish (or revile) in her memories forever.

Snow Flower is a truth-seeker. She is keenly interested in philosophy and religion, and she finds that these disciplines aid her internal quest. At the end of the day, what she wants most is to know the meaning of life, and if she accomplishes this while feeling free and easy, all the better. She is a clear thinker who chooses to look at the big picture most of the time. Of course, she also likes it when others agree with her "well-thought-out" point of view. The alternative to this, for better or for worse, is a woman who can become argumentative and blunt.

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Just as a fire can move quickly and uncontrollably, so can Snow Flower as she flits from one thing to the next, rarely looking back. For her, it's all about action and adventure (and, hopefully, conclusions). She is outgoing, enthusiastic and has a tendency to overstep her bounds as a result, falling prey to the likes of "foot-in-mouth" disease. She can talk so fast (and so much) that she doesn't always process the full weight of what she's saying, leading to the occasional hurt feeling. Often, however, her words serve to inspire others and to get things going.

Snow Flower is curious and Spiritual. A true believer. The fact that she attracts others with ease is no surprise, since she has a great sense of fun and enjoys a rip roaring good time. She doesn't lack for confidence, either, not a whit! High-spirited Snow Flower loves to socialize -- with an ever-changing crew. Mental games such as Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble or debate also fuel her mood. When it comes to love games, Snow Flower is playful, flirtatious and always on top.

Her greatest strength is her philosophical, wide-open and exploratory nature. She is constantly seeking both knowledge and truth, and is always eager to share her explorations and adventures with others. Her loving, supportive, and generous spirit makes her a pleasure to have around.

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Snow Flower has an analytical, inquiring mind & possesses an incredible need to experience life rather then heed advice from others. She is an individualistic perfectionist with a high level of integrity. She also has a tendency to be stubborn and has been known to form strong opinions. While very outspoken in her beliefs, she maintains an open minded "live and let live" mentality. Despite her near constant thirst for adventure, she has a distinct and tremendous need for peace, harmony, and beauty in her life. At times, she is complicated and difficult to understand. Overall, Snow Flower is quite introspective and she likes to examine her feelings in great detail.
Hence, this journal.

Emily Dickenson
Part Four: Time and Eternity

LXIX

ONE need not be a chamber to be haunted,
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.

Far safer, of a midnight meeting
External ghost,
Than an interior confronting
That whiter host.

Far safer through an Abbey gallop,
The stones achase,
Than, moonless, one’s own self encounter
In lonesome place.

Ourself, behind ourself concealed,
Should startle most;
Assassin, hid in our apartment,
Be horror’s least.

The prudent carries a revolver,
He bolts the door,
O’erlooking a superior spectre
More near.

If it were only a flower ...

Rabindranath Tagore;
The Gardener

Your questioning eyes are sad.
They seek to know my meaning,
as the moon would fathom the sea.
I have bared my life before your eyes from end to end,
with nothing hidden or held back.
That is why you know me not.

If it were only a gem,
I could break it into a hundred pieces
and string them into a chain to put around your neck.

If it were only a flower, round and small and sweet,
I could pluck it from its stem to set it in your hair.
But it is a heart, my beloved.
Where are its shores and its bottom?
You know not the limits of this kingdom,
still you are its queen.

If it were only a moment of pleasure it would flower in an easy smile,
and you could see it and read it in a moment.
If it were merely a pain it would melt in limpid tears,
reflecting its inmost secret without a word.

But it is love, my beloved.
Its pleasure and pain are boundless,
and endless its wants and wealth.
It is as near to you as your life,
but you can never wholly know it.

Give me leave to sit by your side,
and bid my lips to do the work that can be done in silence
and in the dim light of stars.

Do not keep to yourself the secret of your heart, my friend!
Say it to me, only to me in secret.
You who smile so gently, softly whisper, my heart will hear it, not my ears.

The night is deep, the house is silent, the birds' nests are shrouded with sleep.
Speak to me through hesitating tears, through faltering smiles,
through sweet shame and pain, the secret of your heart!

Speak to me, my love! Tell me in words what you sang.
The night is dark. The stars are lost in clouds.
The wind is sighing through the leaves.
I will let loose my hair.
My blue cloak will cling round me like night.
I will clasp your bosom to my head;
and there in the sweet loneliness murmur on your heart.
I will shut my eyes and listen. I will not look in your face.
When your words are ended, we will sit still and silent.
Only the trees will whisper in the dark.
The night will pale.
The day will dawn.
We shall look at each other's eyes and go on our different paths.
Speak to me, my love! Tell me in words what you sang.

Love, my heart longs day and night for the meeting with you
-for the meeting that is all-devouring death.
Sweep me away like a storm; take everything I have;
break open my sleep and plunder my dreams. Rob me of my world.
In that devastation, in the utter nakedness of spirit, let us become one in beauty.

Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.


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